Post by infidel on May 18, 2011 22:23:10 GMT -5
=== #1:
Sailin' a ship 's no place ta be lollygaggin about playin a game, ___. A laggard man at sea does nuttin' but threatin 'is mates.
=== #2:
Someone be pullin' yer pegleg, lad.
Course there be the one time in Tortuga... but that be a story fer another day.
I had a run in with a lass in tortuga sort of like that. Long story short, if a filly walk up te ya and asks if you're lookin to "stow yer plunder below deck" make sure shes not actually talking about the cargo yer illegally smugglin for her father. That job did not end well.
=== #3:
Yarr! Yesterday I had been blindsided off the port bow with a bevvy of surprise midterms. But now that i've stowed those below deck i'm ready to sink in more to this here crew. What be our best choices for keel-haulin' tonight?
=== #4:
=== #5:
"So Ladies and...Er, so Gentlemen it has come to my attention that during this arm wrestling competition some of us may face more demonic opponents , in other words "PWPQA"s, and in such case may require some advice on how to defeat them! Normal pirate law would state any non-pirate is bound to lose in an arm wrestling contest against a real pirate! But what if these "PWPQA"s are different? In such a case I offer advice on your supplementary weapon should things turn awry. "
The Mighty Hook. I advice bringing a hook to battle if you expect your opponent to bring a pistol, you can quickly snatch your adversary's hand with “The Mighty Hook” making it very hard for him to operate said pistol. And you can promptly beat him senseless as he tries to operate the flintlock with one-hand.
The Razor Sword. Bring a sword if you expect your opponent to bring a hook. It is rather simple, the hook is good for snatches your opponents hand and for a surprise attack. But you are already in combat of sorts. The longer distance of the blade will give you an advantage over the hook.
The Brilliant Flintlock. You will want a pistol in hand if you are expecting a sword fight. You will be undoubtedly be arm wrestling on a table surface or something of the sort. If things get out of control, your opponent will have to back away or knock over the table to pull out his likely sheathed sword. Which would give you an ample enough time to pull out your gun, ready it, and fire.
=== #6:
Arr, so ye scalawags be votin' the !___ out tonight, are ye? Or should I say arrrrr ye?
=== #7:
___, ya scurvy dog. First ya snitch me rum, then ya insult me honor by callin me a liar, 'n ta top it all off, ye have the gall ta accuse I o not knowin which hole ta aim me cannon at.
=== #8:
So be it ___, you never-ending horse fart! With your weak excuse for a brain, you'll be shoving your hand up your arse and daring me to wrestle yer innards! The sun's taken what little fight you had left, after the cabin boy ran off with your rum and what was left of your manhood.
It'll be no trouble to pound you into the floor. No trouble at all.
=== #9:
=== #10:
“So Lords and Ladies.....”
___ looks around the room for any sign of the women-folk in the room. A sad frown forms on his face momentarily when he realizes they have hidden themselves well. Indeed the stories of females on-board using peg-legs for reasons other than they were intended for seem to be pure fabrication. ___ was a sad pirate. He then realized he was still addressing the crowd.
“On the one hand, we seem to have the good games-master ___. A Man who obviously has gone to great lengths to keep us from our ale, our whores, and our murdering with his tales of mystery and intrigue. Now we all know this has been good ___'s way even before the good Captain had his throat slit by soulless devils, may the sea rest his soul; so his distracting us from our pirating ways is nothing new. When I say soulless devils I don't mean to infer anything bad about demons, since I know some of you like to call yourself Sea Devils and the like.... the soulless part was the main focus.”
___ looks around tentatively.
“On the other hand, we have the quiet and timid ___. Our new cabin boy, I believe one some of us have abused on one or more occasions. So his silence isn't completely unexpected. Could he be a secret voodoo practitioner plotting our downfall? Maybe? He could slit his neck in a bit of depression because of all the injustices we practiced upon him.”
The speaker looks around for any signs or tells in audience and is disappointed to find none. He begins to scratch his chin with his hook.
“So...we're arm wrestling tonight......that should be fun.”
___ pouts for a moment
“Truth be told those voodoo practitioners are probably just waiting and hiding...waiting around....doing stuff.....”
“Evil stuff....”
___ has started to ramble
"While we do....pirate stuff.."
=== #11:
Arrr ___, have at ye, ye scurvy son of a sea bass! There be 5 extra rations o' grog this fine morn, an' I haven't had time to consume all of 'em yet, so make 'er snappy!
=== #12:
If ye have doubts, ___, just think back on our dear departed Captain. Even when sun-crazed and three sheets to the wind on rum, the man could lead us to hell and back as he pleased. And how did he do that?
Style. Pure style.
Even the weakest lily-liver among the crew would take one look at the Cap'n swaggering up and down the deck, and they would believe. Believe in the glory and the booty and the wenches waitin' at port. The Cap'n's bluster got us through many a storm, I can tell you that.
So, what you need, first, is style. And of course, you need the swagger that makes a man. An' a loaded pistol can't hurt, neither.
Who's with me??!?
=== #13:
=== #14:
A song I heard the other day:
My name be Jim Davy,
I sailed with the navy,
Now listen t' all that I says:
This tale I be spinnin',
Of a sea cap'n's sinnin' -
The infamous Dread Pirate ___.
One day between missions,
I took me son fishin',
Tryin' to catch us some trout.
When on the horizon,
My son sets his eyes on
The battleship of ___the Lout.
I thought I was dreamin',
And I started screamin',
Afraid that I might get cut down.
It sailed, framed in thunder,
With thirst for a plunder,
Heading directly for town.
Then I realized that this poem sucks and didn't bother to finish it.
=== #15:
=== #16:
I'm trying to determine if this laziness makes you the most authentic pirate on-board or the worse pirate on-board.
What's the difference?
=== #17:
Seein that ya know nothin 'bout fightin just warms me heart, ya damnable thief.
I be guessin that this goes back to the old pirate lore 'bout how ta win a fight:
Pistols is good ta get a shot off before some sea dog can run up and gut ye with 'n impra vised weapon, like a length o spar or a ships hook.
The cutlass be enough weapon that ye can dodge an ill aimed pistol shot, then slice open the bastard that took a shot at ye.
A ships tool, like a hook, takes a wee bit o time ta get yer scruffy hands on, but be good for tanglin up a fancy blade so ye can gut the bastard.
___, you overgrown toe fungus! I'm pleased that ye know a use for these, other than cramming them in yer nether regions! We may yet make a right pirate out of ye!
But first, I'll need to give you a right pounding in today's contest.
And we'll need to wean you off gnawing on the yard-arm...
...and ye'll have to stop going into rut at the sight of sea turtles...
But fear not, you over-loaded dog's bladder! We'll make a pirate out of you yet, even if it takes three beatings a week!
=== #18:
=== #19:
=== #20:
Arrr, it goes quite well, ___ me bucko. I wuz just tellin' the lads how you wuz a backstabbin' lilly-livered bilgerat who'd backstab his own grandmother fer a bottle o' rum.
Seems ye don' like people suggestin' ye fer captain, so I'll hold off, ye landlubbin' son of a whalefish.
Speakin' o' which, apparently I weren't BOLD enough in me previous declaration that I was gonna sweep th' floors wit' ___, so I'll jus' take this op'rtunity ta do tha' now.
=== #21:
"Now, now good and not so good pirate folk. We all knew when we took good Guard Captain ___ captive in Algiers he was gonna be a bit of a spoilsport. That does not mean he is a wicked heathen or ,for those who take offense at the use of the adjective wicked when describing our adversaries, just a heathen. Or if you happen to take offense at me describing our adversaries as heathens. Then I shall simply call them as People who Perform Questionable Activities that Previously Lead to the Death of Captain Broadbeard , otherwise known as PPQAPLTDOCB. Ummm..that isn't going to work is it? Ok let's shorten that to PWPQA. Just because Guard Captain ___ has a broom stick up his arse does not mean he is a... PWPQA.
Unless they got to him in his cell and seduced with their satanic sexual voodoo magic. In which case there might be women on board. Hmmm... "
=== #22:
Arrr...
What have ye against 'orrible accents, ___?
I lost half me tongue to a cannonball when I were but a lad sweepin' th' bilges, an' now ye look ter play all high and mighty on I?
To the plank with ye, lice-infected blowfish!
=== #23:
=== #24:
=== #25:
=== #26:
=== #27:
=== #28:
Seein that ya know nothin 'bout fightin just warms me heart, ya damnable thief.
I be guessin that this goes back to the old pirate lore 'bout how ta win a fight:
Pistols is good ta get a shot off before some sea dog can run up and gut ye with 'n impra vised weapon, like a length o spar or a ships hook.
The cutlass be enough weapon that ye can dodge an ill aimed pistol shot, then slice open the bastard that took a shot at ye.
A ships tool, like a hook, takes a wee bit o time ta get yer scruffy hands on, but be good for tanglin up a fancy blade so ye can gut the bastard.
=== #29:
Ahoy me hearties, it be no surprise the foul winds the blow between myself and bilge-sucking powder monkey ___. No love lost between us two, and it be me pleasure to have a hand in sendin' 'im down to see old hob.
=== #30:
Sailin' a ship 's no place ta be lollygaggin about playin a game, ___. A laggard man at sea does nuttin' but threatin 'is mates.
=== #2:
Indeed the stories of females on-board using peg-legs for reasons other than they were intended for seem to be pure fabrication.
Someone be pullin' yer pegleg, lad.
Course there be the one time in Tortuga... but that be a story fer another day.
I had a run in with a lass in tortuga sort of like that. Long story short, if a filly walk up te ya and asks if you're lookin to "stow yer plunder below deck" make sure shes not actually talking about the cargo yer illegally smugglin for her father. That job did not end well.
=== #3:
Yarr! Yesterday I had been blindsided off the port bow with a bevvy of surprise midterms. But now that i've stowed those below deck i'm ready to sink in more to this here crew. What be our best choices for keel-haulin' tonight?
=== #4:
=== #5:
"So Ladies and...Er, so Gentlemen it has come to my attention that during this arm wrestling competition some of us may face more demonic opponents , in other words "PWPQA"s, and in such case may require some advice on how to defeat them! Normal pirate law would state any non-pirate is bound to lose in an arm wrestling contest against a real pirate! But what if these "PWPQA"s are different? In such a case I offer advice on your supplementary weapon should things turn awry. "
The Mighty Hook. I advice bringing a hook to battle if you expect your opponent to bring a pistol, you can quickly snatch your adversary's hand with “The Mighty Hook” making it very hard for him to operate said pistol. And you can promptly beat him senseless as he tries to operate the flintlock with one-hand.
The Razor Sword. Bring a sword if you expect your opponent to bring a hook. It is rather simple, the hook is good for snatches your opponents hand and for a surprise attack. But you are already in combat of sorts. The longer distance of the blade will give you an advantage over the hook.
The Brilliant Flintlock. You will want a pistol in hand if you are expecting a sword fight. You will be undoubtedly be arm wrestling on a table surface or something of the sort. If things get out of control, your opponent will have to back away or knock over the table to pull out his likely sheathed sword. Which would give you an ample enough time to pull out your gun, ready it, and fire.
=== #6:
Arr, so ye scalawags be votin' the !___ out tonight, are ye? Or should I say arrrrr ye?
=== #7:
___, ya scurvy dog. First ya snitch me rum, then ya insult me honor by callin me a liar, 'n ta top it all off, ye have the gall ta accuse I o not knowin which hole ta aim me cannon at.
=== #8:
___, ya scurvy dog. First ya snitch me rum, then ya insult me honor by callin me a liar, 'n ta top it all off, ye have the gall ta accuse I o not knowin which hole ta aim me cannon at.
So be it ___, you never-ending horse fart! With your weak excuse for a brain, you'll be shoving your hand up your arse and daring me to wrestle yer innards! The sun's taken what little fight you had left, after the cabin boy ran off with your rum and what was left of your manhood.
It'll be no trouble to pound you into the floor. No trouble at all.
=== #9:
=== #10:
“So Lords and Ladies.....”
___ looks around the room for any sign of the women-folk in the room. A sad frown forms on his face momentarily when he realizes they have hidden themselves well. Indeed the stories of females on-board using peg-legs for reasons other than they were intended for seem to be pure fabrication. ___ was a sad pirate. He then realized he was still addressing the crowd.
“On the one hand, we seem to have the good games-master ___. A Man who obviously has gone to great lengths to keep us from our ale, our whores, and our murdering with his tales of mystery and intrigue. Now we all know this has been good ___'s way even before the good Captain had his throat slit by soulless devils, may the sea rest his soul; so his distracting us from our pirating ways is nothing new. When I say soulless devils I don't mean to infer anything bad about demons, since I know some of you like to call yourself Sea Devils and the like.... the soulless part was the main focus.”
___ looks around tentatively.
“On the other hand, we have the quiet and timid ___. Our new cabin boy, I believe one some of us have abused on one or more occasions. So his silence isn't completely unexpected. Could he be a secret voodoo practitioner plotting our downfall? Maybe? He could slit his neck in a bit of depression because of all the injustices we practiced upon him.”
The speaker looks around for any signs or tells in audience and is disappointed to find none. He begins to scratch his chin with his hook.
“So...we're arm wrestling tonight......that should be fun.”
___ pouts for a moment
“Truth be told those voodoo practitioners are probably just waiting and hiding...waiting around....doing stuff.....”
“Evil stuff....”
___ has started to ramble
"While we do....pirate stuff.."
=== #11:
Arrr ___, have at ye, ye scurvy son of a sea bass! There be 5 extra rations o' grog this fine morn, an' I haven't had time to consume all of 'em yet, so make 'er snappy!
=== #12:
If ye have doubts, ___, just think back on our dear departed Captain. Even when sun-crazed and three sheets to the wind on rum, the man could lead us to hell and back as he pleased. And how did he do that?
Style. Pure style.
Even the weakest lily-liver among the crew would take one look at the Cap'n swaggering up and down the deck, and they would believe. Believe in the glory and the booty and the wenches waitin' at port. The Cap'n's bluster got us through many a storm, I can tell you that.
So, what you need, first, is style. And of course, you need the swagger that makes a man. An' a loaded pistol can't hurt, neither.
Who's with me??!?
=== #13:
=== #14:
A song I heard the other day:
My name be Jim Davy,
I sailed with the navy,
Now listen t' all that I says:
This tale I be spinnin',
Of a sea cap'n's sinnin' -
The infamous Dread Pirate ___.
One day between missions,
I took me son fishin',
Tryin' to catch us some trout.
When on the horizon,
My son sets his eyes on
The battleship of ___the Lout.
I thought I was dreamin',
And I started screamin',
Afraid that I might get cut down.
It sailed, framed in thunder,
With thirst for a plunder,
Heading directly for town.
Then I realized that this poem sucks and didn't bother to finish it.
=== #15:
=== #16:
Now I feel bad. I'm going to !retract ___ and vote for !___ instead because his name is on this page and I'm too lazy to check who else is playing.
I'm trying to determine if this laziness makes you the most authentic pirate on-board or the worse pirate on-board.
What's the difference?
=== #17:
Seein that ya know nothin 'bout fightin just warms me heart, ya damnable thief.
I be guessin that this goes back to the old pirate lore 'bout how ta win a fight:
Pistols is good ta get a shot off before some sea dog can run up and gut ye with 'n impra vised weapon, like a length o spar or a ships hook.
The cutlass be enough weapon that ye can dodge an ill aimed pistol shot, then slice open the bastard that took a shot at ye.
A ships tool, like a hook, takes a wee bit o time ta get yer scruffy hands on, but be good for tanglin up a fancy blade so ye can gut the bastard.
___, you overgrown toe fungus! I'm pleased that ye know a use for these, other than cramming them in yer nether regions! We may yet make a right pirate out of ye!
But first, I'll need to give you a right pounding in today's contest.
And we'll need to wean you off gnawing on the yard-arm...
...and ye'll have to stop going into rut at the sight of sea turtles...
But fear not, you over-loaded dog's bladder! We'll make a pirate out of you yet, even if it takes three beatings a week!
=== #18:
=== #19:
=== #20:
How goes it, !___?
Arrr, it goes quite well, ___ me bucko. I wuz just tellin' the lads how you wuz a backstabbin' lilly-livered bilgerat who'd backstab his own grandmother fer a bottle o' rum.
Seems ye don' like people suggestin' ye fer captain, so I'll hold off, ye landlubbin' son of a whalefish.
Speakin' o' which, apparently I weren't BOLD enough in me previous declaration that I was gonna sweep th' floors wit' ___, so I'll jus' take this op'rtunity ta do tha' now.
=== #21:
"Now, now good and not so good pirate folk. We all knew when we took good Guard Captain ___ captive in Algiers he was gonna be a bit of a spoilsport. That does not mean he is a wicked heathen or ,for those who take offense at the use of the adjective wicked when describing our adversaries, just a heathen. Or if you happen to take offense at me describing our adversaries as heathens. Then I shall simply call them as People who Perform Questionable Activities that Previously Lead to the Death of Captain Broadbeard , otherwise known as PPQAPLTDOCB. Ummm..that isn't going to work is it? Ok let's shorten that to PWPQA. Just because Guard Captain ___ has a broom stick up his arse does not mean he is a... PWPQA.
Unless they got to him in his cell and seduced with their satanic sexual voodoo magic. In which case there might be women on board. Hmmm... "
=== #22:
Arrr...
What have ye against 'orrible accents, ___?
I lost half me tongue to a cannonball when I were but a lad sweepin' th' bilges, an' now ye look ter play all high and mighty on I?
To the plank with ye, lice-infected blowfish!
=== #23:
=== #24:
=== #25:
=== #26:
=== #27:
=== #28:
How do pistols, swords and hooks figure into an arm-wrestling contest? That be some underhanded arm-wrestling...
Seein that ya know nothin 'bout fightin just warms me heart, ya damnable thief.
I be guessin that this goes back to the old pirate lore 'bout how ta win a fight:
Pistols is good ta get a shot off before some sea dog can run up and gut ye with 'n impra vised weapon, like a length o spar or a ships hook.
The cutlass be enough weapon that ye can dodge an ill aimed pistol shot, then slice open the bastard that took a shot at ye.
A ships tool, like a hook, takes a wee bit o time ta get yer scruffy hands on, but be good for tanglin up a fancy blade so ye can gut the bastard.
=== #29:
Ahoy me hearties, it be no surprise the foul winds the blow between myself and bilge-sucking powder monkey ___. No love lost between us two, and it be me pleasure to have a hand in sendin' 'im down to see old hob.
=== #30:
